Saturday, December 31, 2011


Gboa!!! Boom!!!  
My heart misses a beat. The New Year’s near in Lagos and the morons on my street are at it again. The recurrent heart wrenching explosions of the firecrackers and bangers mingles with the cacophony of various voices and music from church speakers holding services heralding the so called New Year, 2012. The last banger that exploded near my left ear on Christmas Eve nearly made me deaf and it was thrown by a puny little malnourished child under the watchful condoning eyes of older people and parents (I’ve seen so many fingers that have been blown off by these innocuous looking things). There was a war that day on my street; kids were throwing these mini bombs at themselves across the divide that was a road bisecting our street, the cheers and sounds they made as they bombed their rivals sounding mirthless to my ears. The main supplier of ‘weapons’ was a woman, an ‘arms dealer’ that was unfortunately my favorite phone recharge card seller.
It was funny how it all looked normal in my hood, a sharp contrast to the highbrow area on the island where I had just attended a quiet Christian service. There was no noise, no explosions, just robust and sometimes fat kids with their parents. And it’s funny, remembering it right now as I write this piece, it sought of reminds me of the current Nigerian situation.

God please safeguard our future

My street, the bisecting divide, the same people recognized an imaginary man made barrier, created camps and threw missiles at themselves across the road, poor malnourished maybe poorly educated kids trying to distract themselves with the noise, their parents turning a blind eye because it meant they had less trouble to deal with. Compare that the invisible poorly defined but distinct differences between northern and southern Nigeria, the illiterate poor uninformed Boko Haramites, the recent vile bombings, and the stupid rational behind the violence, a weak unforgiving central government and the relative calm in the south hell bent on removing fuel subsidy. Recipe for disaster? Can’t really tell but I hope not for the sake of my unborn children.
Guess I’ve not been my usual cocky self, maybe that’s why I haven’t written on this page for a long while, maybe I finally realized it wasn’t all about the people governing us but the attitude of the people being lead- a docile, misguided, vicious and title-seeking populace seeking to reap where they didn’t sow, glorifying the wrong things and pushing forward the absurd. My country that rewards mediocrity and punishes merit, relegating talented professionals to the background as grumbling slaves deserves what? In this kind of environment, don’t blame anybody…the people have gotten the king of leadership they deserve and every bad thing we currently experience are burdens that we have to leave with not just the bombing. Sorry about that last comment but I was borrowing a leaf from our president, and I’m so bloody inspired to remain in this country and hang onto a ship that seems to be sinking (sarcasm intended and achieved). Try explaining that to the victims of the recent bombing in Madalla.

Absurd poster? so you thought...

Every blogger wants to feel like a prophet but I’m not happy remembering I mentioned something about northern Nigerian turning to Pakistan. If the current situation continues, maybe Boko Haram will stockpile enough weapons to mount a proper insurgency and then we’ll all be in trouble.
I think the country needs more than prayers this night, we even need something more than a revolution like the Arab spring, we need some mental revolution, some alteration of the way we reason and spit logic along ethnic and fake political party lines. And certainly we need to be better educated, not just in quantity but in quality. We also need a better healthcare system… sadly the government has failed in these departments, the private sector needs to step up, it’s not just about Dangote selling cement and popping up on the Forbes list.
So many things happened since I last wrote- Ojukwu’s dead, the planned fuel subsidy removal is causing trouble and the country’s leadership just got dumber.
huh? a bomb just went off... he he he, lol...this Boko Haram 'burden' self...abeg, where's the kitchen budget

And before I finally say happy New Year and you all go emotional weeping on my page, just remember that the transition to a New Year is just a number and all your stupid resolutions are just full of shit…some Greek scholar probably started the New Year on the day his mother died and we all picked it up. The point is… every day’s my new year, a new chance to make something right and not some dumb madness at midnight on some ordinary night.

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL THE SAME! (Ha ha ha ha…till infinity…someone has to give the final evil laugh you know)

Saturday, August 27, 2011

The state of the Nation

Considering how neglected and poorly updated this page is (i really need a partner, a co-blogger) , it's stale news by now that Jonathan Goodluck is the President of Nigeria. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sad about it, I was the happiest person in Nigeria knowing that the election results were reflections of the will of the people. I was pleased that the ‘northern Mafioso’ were dismantled and frustrated but was sad when they expressed themselves in the way they knew best- violence and murder of the innocents.
Pushing that unsavory topic aside and looking back, down memory lane (my previous articles):
-          The younger male Saraki won indirectly (yeah, wag you fingers at me for being wrong but not so fast…). Yes, certainly I got my math wrong but the result was the same as predicted. A new godfather replaced the old one; the Willy old fox was enthroning his son in full pubic glare. They beautifully acted out the script of a Greek tale, a sort of modified story about Oedipus except that there was no incest. Now a Saraki crony or rather robot is lodged in a five star hotel called the government house rubber stamping their decisions.
-          The ‘Vision Pakistan 2014’ and the 'minimum development goals’ are fast coming true as predicted in the north. The multi-sectoral effort towards establishing a dark age era is moving forward it’s machinery oiled by apologetic governors, a sympathetic illiterate naive populace to mention just a few(tactically avoided mentioning a docile president) with Boko Haram in the driver's seat being prodded on by the Sultan. I’m beginning to have this creepy feeling that it would be better off if Nigeria split and we agree to the creation of an isolated northern ‘Naijastan’. 
I’m looking forward to the movie after the dust settles; I guess there will be lots of popcorn and soda to watch ‘HOW THE NORTH FINALLY DIVIDED NIGERIA’. The last time I checked, oil exploration around the Chad basin after gulping billions of dollars yielded only a drop and the educational/literacy level in the north was barely better than that in war-torn Somalia. so, the question is- who's actually losing?
It was pretty stupid bombing the UN office in Abuja and I keep on wondering whether these book haram fellas think from their butt. Are they truly affiliated to AL-Qaida? I ask because they think like rams- now they're on a worldwide scale, every terrorists dream and nightmare. Maybe one day, drones will be sweeping across northern Nigeria.  I laughed at them till I saw the pictures of dead and injured people being pulled from the rubble, their friends and families crying. Sad. Lack of blood at the health facilities compounded the issue, the public plea for blood donations was heart wrenching and shows how disorganized our health sector really is.
Now, to clear the air I admire Sanusi, our Central bank Governor, I feel he’s a bright chap and his work in the banking sector is far from over. The questions are- why concentrate so much on Islamic banking in an obviously sectional, secular and divisive country? Why did he give does nationalized banks names befitting of cemeteries and dead monuments like tombstone… oops! I meant keystone bank. Makes one wonder whether all those conspiracy theories were true since these actions are co-ordinated with the attempted ‘islamisation’ of Nigeria by Boko Haram.
And the finally, we were privileged to witness the public duel between two ex-dictators. Nobody should tell them to stop, it was welcome comic relief and exposition. we need them to talk more so that we'll finally know where all our money went to, a public 'Oputa' panel.
The Punch:: Obj vs IBB รข€“ we want more!

To summarize these prolonged rambling on this page, the questions political analysts are certainly asking are:
-          President Goodluck where are you? (the people are looking around)
Is that you Mr President? A guy name Boko Haram just knocked on the door

-          Do we have competent security agancies capable of infiltrating terrorists organizations rather then mounting roadblocks and collecting twenty naira?(mumbling in the audience)
twenty naira? walahi talai carry the bomb pass abeg

-          What will happen next?(silence)

Friday, March 25, 2011

As the elections draw near…

… Strange things start to happen as expected but some things were totally new.
Suddenly D’banj starts interviewing Presidents, exposing himself as the brainless insulting ‘head nodding ‘twat that he really is instead of the glorified don Jazzy enhanced personae of a stage hopper and crooner.  Last time I checked, I was a little above the age bracket classified as ‘youth’ but even hormonally charged teens would not want to be represented by someone that morose.

This 'endowed' man came close to 'touching' the President? Ewww... arrest him!

And as for President Goodluck… truly disappointed, I truly am ashamed. He bluntly insulted the sensibilities of millions of Nigerians and global viewers by boycotting an election debate about two days after that agonizing debacle with D’banj. And I wonder what he was hoping to achieve…hmmm. His media people and the people advising him are not good, simple. Maybe his bored kids were tugging at his sleeves demanding for D’banj. Maybe he couldn’t just communicate with his wife. Her ‘impeccable’ English was just too much for him to understand.
I was also surprised to see how calm, thoughtful and articulate Shekarau was during the debate and he was clearly the winner. Wonders shall never end but my instincts insist that he’s deceitful.
Ribadu sounded like a bragging child, the police man in him showing in spite of the big ‘Bariga’ or whatever that he was wearing. For all the media hype, he sounded like a broken record- evasive, loud, and rude. Certainly he not representing anybody young, damn man, you’re 50 years. The man’s in self-denial for thinking that ‘some ‘Nigerians are not corrupt. What was he saying about the process/system being corrupt again? I guess he should talk to Tinubu about how to corruptly ‘process’ Lagos state taxes and Lekki concession company. All I saw was a stooge.
Buhari was convincing and calm but he seemed like a man on a vengeance mission.  That was all I saw, it’s not like it’s the first and last time that he will be talking like that.
Anyway, I’m true with that boring lot, now to more lively stuff.
Did a tsunami occur in Akwa Ibom state? What the heck is going on there? The picture below got me thinking, alarmed till I realized that the cars were burnt though they were well arranged. Tsunamis don’t work like that and most of the scattered cars in the natural disaster didn’t have a blackened hull.



Hard earned oil and tax payers’ money down the drain just like that so that some people could lay their sticky paws on other people’s money…We’re in trouble.

And to summarize the other spicy things happening, already blown open, about to blow or not, so as not to forget… some idiots saddled with some bombs blew themselves up on their way to initiate a bombing spree at a huge gathering; a sad ending for them on a highway to hell.

The drama/play by the ‘Amala’ political dynasty in Kwara state makes you wonder whether the people of the state are as dumb as the news reporters make them look on the sheets. From all I can see and deduce, it’s all a grand plan and the final result is the Gbemisola will replace Bukola. Which pikin papa dey deceive? Na only im own… they’re just trying to do it nicely.

nice family.... uhmmmmm... who's next for Governor?

Fashola's swiping the empty space above his head with the broom that tinubu gave him while he neglects his people dying from lack of proper healthcare as he dilly-dallies with the healthcare workers. I don't blame him, I blame the dying people who constantly coo about his good works. Common sense dictates that I don't need to thank a man for building roads and doing the job that he was statutorily elected to do and besides that, the tax bill in Lagos state is really good incentive. No wonder the PDP needs Lagos badly considering the dough that's fueling Tinubu's machinery.
Anyway, I expect more things to happen and I’ll keep on watching from the safety of my room, my eyes on my computer screen and I thank God that we don’t have natural disasters to contend with.